It all hit me on my 30th birthday…Let me set the stage a little…I have ALWAYS wanted to stay at home with my children. I never realized how important it was to marry someone who desired that as well until Kyle and I had some discussions before and after we got married and his fear of being unable to live on one income was more overwhelming for him than me staying home with our sweet ones. Seven months into our marriage we were pregnant and this became a pressing issue since there was now a time frame set. We had many discussions, tears, and prayers (both together and separately). His desire was for me to stay home as well, but the financial aspect of it wasn’t making sense to him. (Which I completely understand). When little Kathleen Mae Williams arrived in March, we still had no idea what we were going to do. I scheduled to take 12 weeks off from work, which I thought was such a blessing in and of itself. Through the millions of conversations I’d had with the Lord about staying at home he began to show me that I didn’t know I was going to be able to stay at home with Avery until he was 3 months old and that’s how long my maternity leave was this time, so I changed my perspective and soaked in each day I had with my newborn and trusted God for an answer within the next 3 months. He also led me to Exodus 2:1-10, the story of Jochabed, Moses’ mother, who hid her baby for 3 months and the Lord saved him from death. I read this passage almost everyday of my maternity leave. We had a few plans in place to allow me to work from home, but those “doors were closed” and we were left at square one with less than 3 weeks left of my maternity leave. Kyle came home for lunch one day and said he’d been throwing around the idea of going back on the road. He’d gone over the numbers (probably a million times in his head) and he thought we could live off one income if he were to do that. The fact that he was thinking in this direction was a HUGE answer to prayer and an example of his servant heart because when he’s on the road he works long, hard days with very few breaks in between. It would definitely be a sacrifice for him. We talked about all of us traveling with him and homeschooling Avery (because he was not going to be on the road with out us…we’d been there and done that and none of us could take it.) He quickly dropped the conversation and said it was something he was only THINKING about and probably wasn’t a good idea. My heart felt like it had been on a rollercoaster within the course of 30 minutes and I was about to lose it! I held it together enough to let him know I thought it was a great idea, that the Lord had brought his heart SO far for him to even be thinking that way and that I would support him no matter what he decided. Within an hour of him leaving from lunch, he called and said, “Are you serious about this? If so, I’m calling the office to get the ball rolling on an out of town job.” I couldn’t hold the tears back at that point. I thought to myself, “Is this really happening?” We discussed it when he got home and the following day. An out of town job was not available immediately, so we had some time to reconsider. It was going to be a scary move, I understood that, but we’d also seen the Lord provide for us a thousand times over and we both felt Him tugging our hearts in this direction. A day or so later we were sitting in the den one night and I was thinking about having to put our little girl in daycare. Kyle looked across the room at me and said, “What are you thinking about?” I responded with, “putting her in child care.” He looked at me and said, “Turn in your two weeks notice. I cannot handle you being like this with just the thought of her being in daycare, much less actually having to go through it.” OH MY GOODNESS. I cannot even tell you how my heart lept that night. The next day I had my 2 weeks notice typed out and set up a day to go to my office to turn it in. It happened that fast. It hadn’t crossed our minds at this point, but we truly believe the Lord closed the door on the options for me to work from home because they would not allow us to travel with Kyle. Kind of neat how we can see the Lord’s hand it things when we look back. I was scheduled to return to work June 15th which was exactly one week after my 30th birthday. I turned in my notice on May 28th and breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. My eyes were now filled with humble tears to see God’s hand work all this out.
All that leads me to what I’ve attempted to post several times, but it either didn’t come out right, or I became so overwhelmed while writing it that I ran out of time and just erased it. I want to preface this by saying that there are some things I would “tweak” if I could,like how tight our budget is, but its where my heart is that I want to express. Even our budget has brought out good things in me that I didn’t know were in there.
Iwoke up on my 30th birthday (almost 3 months ago), looked around our humble abode, with my 2 1/2 month old sleeping in her bassinet beside me, my 8 year old in the den playing his Wii, my soul mate of a husband at work and I was officially a stay at home mom. My thoughts were…I am married to my dream man, I am the mom to 2 “dream” children, I live in a precious home (not my dream home only because of its size), I have my dream vehicle, my family is healthy, I have food on the table, clothes on my back ( and cute ones in my closet for when my body recovers from having a baby!), and now I have my dream job. It was already a great birthday and I hadn’t even gotten out of bed yet! It was one of the MANY times I’ve said:
“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you” -Psalm 116:7
What a privilege to be their Mom.